i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
