I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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