Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
