I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
