I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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