That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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