Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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