How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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