That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
