My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
