I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
