I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You dont lie about slip and slides
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize