Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
