Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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