I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
