i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
