Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im six kinds of drunk right now
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
