we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
