K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
