I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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