Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize