Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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