he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
