birth control should be required to get into college
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
