some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
