I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
