I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
