Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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