Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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