hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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