So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
