I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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