I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
