I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Couch. On fire.
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