So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
