My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
