How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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