What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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