Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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