I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
