im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
