how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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