he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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