I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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