and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
