Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
