I think my fart just growled at me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
