Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
