Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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