That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
