so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
