to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
