literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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