I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
