he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
