1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
