somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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