Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
