Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
