Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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