Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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