It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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