We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
