I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
