I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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