We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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