I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
