you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
