i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry about my life...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
