I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
