Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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