He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
