since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
