Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
