Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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