Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
