He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
