It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
