my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
